Raising our children with the book of Allah

Below are some of the notes taken from the lectures of International Education & Islamic Parenting conference 2013 organized by Brainy Bunch on 23rd nov 2013 at PICC. Alhamdulillah...after taking some time sorting out all  children at the daycare (so thankful they have this for FREE, or else I couldn't imagine handling all 6 by myself) & finally managed to have my 'me time' at the comfort seat of the huge plenary  hall (yes, main reason I love seminars & conference! They are like SPAs to me).

First lecture by Ustazah Isfadiah-

1. (I missed her first point...need help from early comers)

2. Building Emotional Attachment (especially in early years)

• Make them fall in love with us
• Build trust
• Concern & care
• Physical touch - Rasul saw been reported to touch sahabah before make prayer/ give advice.
• Make Du'a - e.g.Rasul saw make dua twice for Ibnu Abbas, Prophet Ibrahim' dua
• Playing & joking with them -  refer hadith on Rasul saw & his grandsons, Him & child with dead bird
• Provide gifts & rewards accordingly
• Sooth them when they are in grieves
• Appreciate their good & kindness
• Encourage them in doing good deeds.

Generation gap - only an excuse for adults who fail to have emotional attachment,
non-existance in the time of Rasul saw, he mixed around with much younger sahabahs equally & treated them with respect.

3. Building the aqidah block

• Can successfully be built on top of love & trust.
• Manifest your love to Allah & Prophet saw by :
• always talk about Prophet saw in everything
• always live the way of Rasul saw
• always pray & talkabout Allah

PARENTS MUST START WITH OURSELVES!

4. Teaching them worship (Ibadah)

• Strong foundation to aqidah
• 3 methods to start before age of puberty:
• train them (in fun & enjoy to perform ibaadah)
• create the ibaadah culture by doing it repeatedly
• Parents as the centre of attraction to ibaadah (main role model)

refer hadith by Jabir Ibn Sumrah ( I couldn't forget the smell of his hand- when rasul saw touched his cheek after prayer)

5. Teaching them morals

• practising the sunnah of the prophets saw
• practising love & rahmah in the family
• respect parents & elders
• GUIDE them to be independent (NOT leaving them alone & condemning them whenthey make mistakes)

6. Teaching them sexual education

-Inside the house:

• the role of parent ( don't let tv/media takeover)
• through solat- different saf for male/female,concept of aurah, protecting the gaze, respect different gender
• Bedroom-ask permission before Fajr, Zuhur & after Isya'.
• express the emotion of shyness/haya' - rasul saw is indeed a shy person 
• lowering the gaze on everything that is haraam (tv,newspapers,aurah, guests & visitors)

-Outside the household

• manage the gazes- show them what to see & what not
• avoid chatting & gossiping

7. Teaching them to socialize

• Parents should guide children on :
• building self-confidence appropriately
• choosing the right social character
• choosing the right environment for children
• Include interaction with non-muslims -refer hadith Rasul saw asked Anas bin Malik to join him visiting a sick jewish boy.

Then,ustazah went on to discuss the most successful education system in the world- FINLAND

• Children do not start schooling until seven -around years of mumayyiz inIslam, when kids are able to choose good or bad on their own.
• Children are not measured at all for their 1st 6 years -focus only to connect with the world
• All children,clever or not arenot differentiated / taught in the same class- allow for care & helping each other
• Teachers spend only 4 hours in classroom- allow social interaction & free-play (HS note- inline with Charlotte-Mason)

(cross note from MICF Parenting conference- if parents are able to homepreschool, it is preferable to delay schooling until 7yo, and let preschool remain as PRE-school)

Philosophy of Finland education

• Finland respect each child uniquness & needs
• Guide children in the development of social & interactive skills
• Encourage children to pay attention to each other (by allowing positive socialization)

************************************************************************

Our Children & Digital technology
by Mufti Ismail Menk

• Digital technologies come with amaanah for parents. 
• It is wrong to prevent child to use the technology,BUT they must be guided closely
• Parents should show examples of good usage of digital technologies
•  when not to use,
• priorotize physical communication with spouse over digital.
• time management

Was a bit frustrated that his most-awaited lecture was shortened & I was following the lecture from the daycare, but alhamdulillah...it is an enlightment of the big issue we face with children nowadays.

**************************************************************************
Representative from Majlis Ulama Indonesia 

• The word IQRA has at least 4 meanings:
• reading
• understand
• practice
• ???(don't remember, pls kindly advise me :) )

• Major issue with muslims nowadays,we read and memorize the quran as tilaawah but not trying to understand & practice.
• Be preprared to educate children in their own zaman, not ours.
• Major role of education is on parents. Islam never refers mothers as housewives, instead they are the real home educator ( murabbiyatul bait).

********************************************************************************
Dato Seri Zainal Abidin
-sorry for didn't listening well to his lecture :(
********************************************************************************
Raising Children of Jannah
Prof Muhaya

• to bee in jannah, we need clean & sincere heart- qalbun salim
• to raise children to jannah,parents must have jannah in their hearts first
• age 7-14yo: timing for children to find their role model
• we must live by design-consciously choose daily activities, foods, friends & lifestyle to fit our purpose of life.
• create our own aura -busying ourselves with Allah
• good akhlaq starts within family
• write our own life script
• use language of akhirat daily in the house
• avoid 3 thieves of life :
• regret of the past
• fear of the future
• ???
• positive inner talk
• do things with the end in mind- reach for akhirah,dunya will follow. 

Of course, there were so much more than this short notes, reminders that are refreshing & much needed to my heart.
*******************************************************************************
Jazakumullahu khairan kathiira to the organizers & sisters who made this conference run so well (especially the complimentary tickets!)

May Allah shower His blessings to all parents trying hard to raise their children the Islamic way. Truly appreciate the above-mentioned points & of course,there is so much more to improve and looong way to go. May Jannah belong to us in this temporary world & the hereafter. Ameen.